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Adoption Myths

1. MYTH:There are no children available to adopt.
   
   
2. MYTH: It will take 5-7 years before a baby is in our home.
   
   
3. MYTH: We’re in our forties; we’re too old to adopt.
   
   
4. MYTH: We’re not rich; we could never afford adoption.
   
   
5. MYTH:Adoption is a "gray" area of the law.
   
   
6. MYTH: All adoptions are now "open" adoptions.
   
   
7. MYTH: We want to adopt a healthy child, one who sort of looks like us, and those kids don’t exist.
   
   
8. MYTH: We’ll never find a birthmother whose genetic and cultural background would fit well with our own.
   
   
9. MYTH: Most of the kids available for adoption have been exposed to drugs.
   
   
10. MYTH: Any birthfather can stop an adoption.
    
    
11. MYTH: Most birthmothers change their minds and reclaim the baby.
    
    
12. MYTH: A birthmother has six months to change her mind.
    
    
13. MYTH:There are no domestic infants available to adopt.
    
    
14. MYTH:It will take 5-7 years before a baby is in our home.
    
    
15. MYTH:We’re in our forties; we’re too old to adopt.
    
    
16. MYTH:We’re not rich; we could never afford adoption.
    
    
17. MYTH:Adoption is a "gray" area of the law.
    
    
18. MYTH:All adoptions are now "open" adoptions.
    
    
19. MYTH:We want to adopt a healthy child, one who sort of looks like us, and those kids don’t exist.
    
    
20. MYTH:We’ll never find a birthmother whose genetic and cultural background would fit well with our own.
    
    
21. MYTH:Most of the kids available for adoption have been exposed to drugs.
    
    
22. MYTH:Any birthfather can stop an adoption.
    
    
23. MYTH:Most birthmothers change their minds and reclaim the baby.
    
    
24. MYTH:A birthmother has six months to change her mind.
    
    

1. There are no children available to adopt.
   FACT: There has never been, nor is there now, a shortage of infants to be adopted.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. It will take 5-7 years before a baby is in our home.
   FACT: The average wait for most Adoption Network Law Center clients, from the time you actively start looking, until the child is in your home, is less than 9 months. A reasonable approach is to expect the baby’s arrival anywhere from 6-18 months after you begin serious efforts.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. We’re in our forties; we’re too old to adopt.
   FACT: There is no age limit in adoption. Birthmothers choose adoptive parents who range in age from their 20’s to their 60’s. The average adoptive parents are in their forties.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. We’re not rich; we could never afford adoption.
   FACT: While not inexpensive, the average adoption costs range between 20,000 and $35,000.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. Adoption is a "gray" area of the law.
   FACT: Statutes in all states strictly regulate adoption. Home studies are done to investigate the adoptive family, and adoptions must be approved and finalized by the court.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
6. All adoptions are now "open" adoptions.
   FACT: "Open" adoption means simply that a birthmother must choose you: an attorney is not permitted to match the family with the birthmother. It does not mean post-birth visitation, although birthmothers may request that photographs of the child be sent to them once or twice each year.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. We want to adopt a healthy child, one who sort of looks like us, and those kids don’t exist.
   FACT: The majority of children placed for adoption are healthy, infants and are often Caucasian or Hispanic. You will be matched more easily if your preferences are less specific, but your preferences are kept top of mind during the entire process.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
8. We’ll never find a birthmother whose genetic and cultural background would fit well with our own.
   FACT: Birthmothers are everyone from teachers to students, dentists to department store clerks. These women are much like the rest of us, but frequently lack many of our opportunities and nurturing homes. Although a birthmother must choose you, you must also choose her. Never be desperate; the right birthmother will come along if you are patient.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
9. Most of the kids available for adoption have been exposed to drugs.
   FACT: There is little drug use in the birthmother population. ANLC requires Drug and Alcohol screening If one of the tests shows positive, you can make a decision at that point to go forward or to drop out of the adoption.
   [BACK]
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
10. Any birthfather can stop an adoption.
    FACT: A birthmother’s husband, if he is the actual father of the child, can stop an adoption. A boyfriend has only two rights: notice of the adoption, and opportunity to be heard. Only 1% of all birthfathers challenge an adoption.
    [BACK]
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
11. Most birthmothers change their minds and reclaim the baby.
    FACT: Nationally, 3-5% of the birthmothers change their minds. Adoption, not unlike pregnancy, is not risk free. If a birthmother changes her mind it is usually within a day or two of the birth.
    [BACK]
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
12. A birthmother has six months to change her mind.
    FACT: Although it varies state by state, in California, a birthmother has 30 days to change her mind in independent adoption, although she may sign a waiver to shorten that time. If an agency is also involved, a birthmother usually signs her relinquishment within a few days of the birth.
    [BACK]
    
13. There are no domestic infants available to adopt.
    FACT: There has never been, nor is there now, a shortage of infants to be adopted.
    [BACK]
    
14. It will take 5-7 years before a baby is in our home.
    FACT: The average wait for most Adoption Network Law Center clients, from the time you actively start looking, until the child is in your home, varies. A reasonable approach is to expect the baby’s arrival anywhere from 6-18 months after you begin serious efforts.
    [BACK]
    
15. We’re in our forties; we’re too old to adopt.
    FACT: There is no age limit in adoption. Birthmothers choose adoptive parents who range in age from their 20’s to their 50’s. The average adoptive parents are in between 37 and 46.
    [BACK]
    
16. We’re not rich; we could never afford adoption.
    FACT: The average adoption costs range between 20,000 and $35,000.
    [BACK]
    
17. Adoption is a "gray" area of the law.
    FACT: Statutes in all states strictly regulate adoption. Home studies are done to investigate the adoptive family, and adoptions must be approved and finalized by the court.
    [BACK]
    
18. All adoptions are now "open" adoptions.
    FACT: "Open" adoption means simply that a birthmother must choose you: an attorney is not permitted to match the family with the birthmother. It does not mean post-birth visitation, although birthmothers may request that photographs of the child be sent to them once or twice each year.
    [BACK]
    
19. All adoptions are now "open" adoptions.
    FACT: The majority of children placed for adoption are healthy infants and are often Caucasian or Hispanic. You will be matched more easily if your preferences are less specific, but your preferences are kept top of mind during the entire process. We have found that birthparents are often searching for adoptive parents who are similar in appearance.
    [BACK]
    
20. We’ll never find a birthmother whose genetic and cultural background would fit well with our own.
    FACT: Birthmothers are everyone from teachers to students, dentists to department store clerks. These women are much like the rest of us, but frequently lack many of our opportunities and nurturing homes. Although a birthmother must choose you, you must also choose her. Never be desperate; the right birthmother will come along if you are patient.
    [BACK]
    
21. Most of the kids available for adoption have been exposed to drugs.
    FACT: There is little drug use in Adoption Network Law Center’s birthmother population. ANLC requires Drug and Alcohol screening. If one of the tests shows positive, you can make a decision at that point to go forward or to drop out of the adoption.
    [BACK]
    
22. Any birthfather can stop an adoption.
    FACT: A birthmother’s husband, if he is the actual father of the child, can stop an adoption. A boyfriend has only two rights: notice of the adoption, and opportunity to be heard. Only 1% of all ANLC birthfathers challenge an adoption.
    [BACK]
    
23. Most birthmothers change their minds and reclaim the baby.
    FACT: While Adoption Network Law Center’s disruption rate is very low, nationally, 30-40% of the birthmothers change their minds. Adoption, like pregnancy, is not risk free. If a birthmother changes her mind it is usually within a day or two of the birth.
    [BACK]
    
24. A birthmother has six months to change her mind.
    FACT: If an agency is also involved, a birthmother usually signs her relinquishment within 48-72 hours of the birth.
    [BACK]
    

Of course these myths are a simplified version of the law; there is much more to learn and to know on each topic. They are useful in quickly dispelling some of the misconceptions that prevent people from moving forward when they are seriously considering adoption. For more information, please feel free to contact an Adoption Network Law Center Adoptive Parent Advisor at 1-800-FOR-ADOPT.

Email or call 1-800-FOR-ADOPT in confidence!